From Emily
Re: One Hundred Strokes of the Brush Before Bed: I really enjoyed Irina Lester’s review of “One hundred strokes of the
brush before bed”. It was well written and well researched and treads
a careful line between condoning and condemning Melissa’s behaviour.
It makes me realise what a perilous course the sexual transition from
child to adult is for a woman and how badly sex education and society
have let down young women in this country and the rest of the world.
It is something I can relate to, and this review really highlighted
the pressing need for a discussion of sex, “the flesh and blood” and
the emotional consequences with young men and women, fast.
I really commend Irina for writing this and I look forward to more of
the same. Many thanks.
Irina Lester, author of the article, replies
Thank you very much for kind words for my review, your response is very reassuring as it is my first ever (I think) piece written in English and first for The F Word as well. When I was reading the book while on holiday, I remember feeling disappointed because I always want to read about positive sexual experience from a woman, something which can inspire us all to be more assertive and more in control, not some stories that make you wince. (In that case Abby Lee’s book “A Girl with one-track mind” is superb.)
But then I thought that I don’t want to sound patronizing towards Melissa Panarello on The F Word, and I do have lots of sympathy for her.
If things go well, maybe I should try to become The F Word’s “drooling feminist auntie” who reviews books about sex.
From Jennifer Drew
Irina Lester has written a very insightful review of One Hundred
Strokes of The Brush Before Bed. Lester is correct, the hypocritical
criticism levied at this author clearly demonstrates how female
sexuality is still perceived. Namely for the sexual gratification of
men and boys. It also proves how girls and women continue to be
taught female sexuality is bad if it is expressed for the woman
alone. Male pleasure is paramount. Interestingly Lester also
highlights how pornography insidiously is intertwined into male
beliefs concerning their ‘sexual rights’. Lastly, the critics, as
Lester wrote, refused to see or accept many of this author’s
experiences were ones of male sexual exploitation and sadistic male
violence. But then women are still sexually constrained and subject
to male sexual control.
From Alice H.
Re: Skinny porn: Thank you for
articulating so clearly what has been buzzing round my head for
months. It is unbelievably refreshing to read such an honest and
sensible piece about this insane issue.
From Sara Helen
I totally agree about the
“size-zero debate” – it’s not helping any woman feel better about her
body, it’s just letting magazines print even more pictures of skinny,
half-naked celebrities. I want to draw attention to your mention of the
Jezebel bloggers, though. I admire their style and confidence, but
reading the comments made me wonder whether it was the website of
Heat magazine. All the comments were along the lines of “cute booty”
or “you’ve got nothing to worry about” – a clear indication that
these women were being objectified and judged just like the
celebrities. How does that make them any better than the magazines?
From Alan
Re: Can burlesque be feminist?:”strip clubs cater to lonely business men and stag dos”.
If you actually went in one I’m sure you’d see a cross section of men
in them, not just the types you mentioned. I thought feminism was
about breaking down stereotypes, so why bring in this lazy and tired
one?
I’m not asking anyone to agree or disagree with strip clubs, but I
can’t see how repeating stereotypes advances any arguments.
Chloe Emmott, author of the article, replies
I agree that is a lazy stereotype and I apologise. However that image of a strip club pervades in popular culture and is tied up within how we see women’s sexuality. I was using it as an example , although I admit it was perhaps not the best one and rather poorly researched, to make a wider point.
From anonymous
I’m beyond sick of seeing middle class white women who don’t have a
fucking clue about what they’re saying romanticize prostitution. I
used to love this website but lately you’ve been pushing this
happiness in slavery idiocy hard and I’d really like it if you’d just
stop cashing in on whore chic bling bling every month for the rest of
2007.
From Irina
I absolutely agree with the author of the article What does the
politics of hair say about modern Britain?: we should not tolerate
things that, for progressive mentality, constitute an abuse of human
rights just because some other cultures claim it is their tradition.
Honour killings, genital mutilation, senging gays for “reformation
and healing” are criminal offences and have nothing to do with
culture, in fact they are an anti-culture. (With niqabs it is not so
straightforward: the practice of covering a woman in order not to
inflame a man is doubtlessly sexist and barbaric but many muslim
women in UK embrace the culture of their families in order to protest
against British pro-war agenda. They may do it out of defence, it is a
common trick to stick to your roots when you feel unsafe. you need to
have the war in mind when looking at the islamisation of families
which, otherwise, in a peaceful time, would be secular and just like
any other british family)
Like Veronica’s experience of sexism in her own culture, I had the
same rejection of traditionality of Russian culture and the position
of women in it, submissive and selfless, ever-tolerant and
unassertive, which was praised by its advocates (always men, of
course). I mean, normal Russian culture exists with all the balley
and classical music, with Dostoevsky etc., but for nationalists “the
Russian culture” means the worst in our history: religious control,
strong family values at the expense of individual happiness,
subjugation of women in the family. I hate that stuff and I am happy
to live here where such attitudes are less wide spread.
I also agree with Veronica that some dodgy attitude to non-English
women exists. It;s a mixture of sexism and seeing a foreigner as “the
other” who is here either to be exoticized or looked down on because
of her accent, for example. (I have a suspicion, from the way my
other eastern-european female acquaintances were treated sometimes in
shops etc., that a strong accent is an invitaiton for prats to treat
you with disdain)
From Sam
Re: Maid of the manor: Please keep in mind that not all men are the misogynists that some
women believe them to be. This of course coming from a male and avid
reader of the F Word. Thank you for the wonderful articles and keep
up the good work!
From Irina
Great article and the links to the research
mentioned are very handy, they prove the point and make the article
stronger.
However, I think, the author slightly mixed two very separate points:
one, that women opt out of the office in favour of becoming
housewives, and second, that men are rubbish at housework. From
reading the article, if I am not mistaken, it looks like first
follows out of second.
But in reality women don’t quit work because hubby yet again forgot
to empty the bin, they do it when and because they have kids, as we
live in a country with obscenely expensive childcare. So, instead of
giving out her salary to a student who puts the telly on and dishes
out ready made stuff to kids, a women might just stay at home and
look after them herself.
Useless men is the other topic altogether. My heart goes out for the
author as her man didn’t suss it up what consitutes a welcome
greeting to a tired wife. I’d just sit down, pour myself a glass of
wine and bark orders seeing him run around like a blue-arsed fly.
Only first step is a difficult one, once he’s done it all from
beginning till the end (nice supper and massage, if needed), he will
know what to do in future. I think she made a mistake doing it
herself. It teaches a man that not doing this is no big deal. To
paraphrase the well-known saying: to pity a man is to ruin him (by
denying him becoming a modern civilized gent).
From Mark Kuramoto-Headey
Wow, Amity Reed is clearly angry about the division of labour in her
home, and justifiably so, if her description is to be believed. And
it sounds so familiar. I sometimes feel equally irritated about my
partner’s lack of appreciation of the need to clean the kitchen
floor, or where dust may accumulate. But, I’ve spotted a flaw; I’m a
bloke. What’s going on?
I lived alone for 25 years and cooked, cleaned, washed etc in my own
house (Not rented, I think that could be an important factor) and was
pretty good at it. Indeed, some female friends said they felt
intimidated when visiting my house, as it was much cleaner than
theirs. True, I did take some perverse pride at being good at things
that were considered ‘female’, but there was also the realisation
that, if I didn’t clean the toilet, no one else would and the sight
of dirt would reflect directly on me. And there’s the rub. I
realised that, were I to marry, even the day after the ceremony,
anyone visiting the house would immediately praise my wife for the
state of the house, who ever actually did the work. Indeed, when
visiting our house shortly after our return from honeymoon my sister
(who ought to have known better) did compliment my wife on the
kitchen.
My wife married me when she was 48, but had lived with her parents
until that time. At present, she stays at home doing the domestic
chores (Not my choice, but that’s another story.) but I am very
concious of dust accumulating behind the loo or on skirting boards.
She never sees it. Sex differences? Hardly. I had 25 years of
experience looking after my house. She’s had none. Yes, she would
do domestic chores, but generally if her mother asked her to. She
had no experience in TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for them and it’s been
hard for her to learn when I was hovering around casting a critical
eye on things. I try not to be over-critical, but it’s hard as I
honestly don’t think she’s being deliberately lax. I would genuinely
be happy to even be a full-time house-husband (especially when there
were lots of DIY tasks to do as well) but her earning potential is
nowhere near enough for even the basics, let alone compete with mine.
So, the status quo continues.
Obviously, our situation is unusual. The age we married and the fact
that my wife is Japanese has conspired to put us into this slightly
odd situation. So, what about others?
My first thought is; how did you act during your first few months of
marriage? In our family there is an expression, “Don’t forget the
steamed apple dumpling.” refering to the time my sister was
impressing her new husband with her culinary skills, though they were
both working full-time. I think the roles newly weds fall into it is
not always the fault of the man.
nother family story; when they were in their 50s, my parents were
invited to a friend’s for a meal. After eating, my father carried
the dishes into the kitchen where the women were washing up. “Aren’t
you lucky to have a husband who helps you.” To which my mother
replied, “Luck didn’t have anything to do with it. I wouldn’t have
put up with anything less.” One of the women then turned to her
friend and asked, “Do you think it’s too late to change our husbands’
behaviour?”
Probably.
I am now stepping out onto thin ice. I think there are some women
who actually take some perverse pride in their ‘incapable’ husbands.
When listening to overheard conversations, or comments on Woman’s
Hour, I sometimes hear an almost proud tone in the voice of women
describing their husband’s shortcomings in the domestic area. Why?
I will hazard a guess that it’s a combination of factors. One might
be that, unless the woman earns more than her partner, there’s
something she is obviously better at than he is. Another might be
the ability to have a common topic of conversation with other women
as they compare stories about the ineptitude of their respective
menfolk.
I could go on, but I think I’ll call it a day at this point.
From Dennis the Menace
In Maid of the Manor, Amity Reed seems extremely unfair. Men usually
buy the home, they are out working all day while the ‘housewives’ are
sitting at home with their feet up watching the crappy afternoon t.v.
Now, I live alone so have to do my own housework. I hoover up once a
week, i do just one washing (whites, blacks and colours all in the
same wash). I’ll re-use dirty cups and cutlery sometimes without
washing them, and wthout getting food poisoning either. If a woman
moved in and decided she wanted a cleaner house why should I suddenly
have to start scrubbing away at things? Does Amity really believe that
a man’s dumb enough to think she needs to be doing housework all day.
Even if she does it’s her choice- why should he play along? In my
experience, a womans work is never done because it’s not really there
in the first place. Clean and scrub all you like ladies but don’t
expect the man to join in. If you don’t like it, you can get a job
and pay the mortgage and let the man sit at home all day doing the
‘housework’.
From Lisa
Re: Here we go again: women really do just want a sugar daddy: I like to think that the people coming to these sorts of conclusions
are usually men consoling each other with ‘don’t worry that you’re
fat and ugly, women are only attracted to money anyway!’
Now I don’t know which women they asked, but I for one go for looks
first, personality second, and money doesn’t actually come into it.
I’ll be spending my own money anyway, thanks.
I’m getting pretty sick of these assumptions that ‘men are turned on
visually, women are turned on emotionally’ and ‘women value money
over looks’ crap. It’s like no one can admit that women are attracted
by appearances as much as men are, which of course gives men a lot of
leeway to go out clubbing in something they slept in while we’re
expected to spend hours putting on make-up and uncomfortable
clothes.
Someone out there needs to realise, we like our men to be good
looking. So it’s time they started taking care of their appearance
and stopped thinking money can win us over.
From BrevisMus
Re: Cartoon on internet women: With respect to Louise Livesey’s recent post today on Cartoon on
Internet Women – I think that cartoon is actually very anti-feminist.
Why on earth can’t Joanna knock down the door herself? Joanna has no
voice in the cartoon: a man speaks on her behalf, a man confronts
another man on her behalf, and a man orders her to fire.
The surface message is fine (treat women as human on the internet),
but the way in which it has been drawn completely undermines that.
From Helen
Re: How’s the petition on women’s right to drive going, then?: I know that the freedom of women to drive in Saudia Arabia is a very
serious and important issue, but whilst reading “How’s the petition
on women’s right to drive going then”, I’m afraid a scene from “Life
of Brian” sprang unbidden into my head. There is definitely a
marketing opportunity in Saudia Arabia for fake beards.
(Grovelling apologies to all Saudi Arabian feminists)
From MuzakBox
Re: Hairy anniversary: Isn’t it nice? All the time and money saved.
And the self-acceptance of the rest of you seems easier too. Well,
for me it did. I stopped shaving my arm pits 6 years ago. I perform
in theater and I do shave for shows when it’s character appropriate
and it will show. But if it’s not I can go years without shaving. I
still shave my legs occasionally because I like the way they feel
when they are all smooth and lotioned up. But I don’t if I don’t feel
like it. I can’t remember the last time I did a pubic anything. I got
a wax once like 3 years ago. OUCH! and it wasn’t comfortable after.
Sometimes I’ll shave if I’m going to the beach. Mostly not. I thought
when I stopped my husband would either say can’t you shave sometimes
(he shaves his package) or just not notice one way or the other. I
was surprised to find out that he thinks it HOTT! So that just made
me love him more.
From Hannah C.
Congratulations on
your Hairy Anniversary and your beautiful hairy armpits! I have
always been a hairy person, and have had a hairy chest since I was
16. I mean thick, black coarse hairs on my cleavage and nipples. I
shaved them (nasty stubble), plucked them (ingrown hairs), waxed them
(infection) until I realised I was damaging my body for the sake of
what other people thought, what, in fact, a man had said to me when I
was 17: “I’m jealous of you – you have a hairier chest than me.” Now
I think, who cares? I realised the worst thing about a hairy chest
was the health implication of polycystic ovaries. I got tested and
came out okay. So if anyone wishes to comment on my wonderful
healthy hairs I say bring it on!
From Helen
Re: Scarlet’s ‘;campaign to make feminism fashionable’: “Scarlet’s campaign to make feminism fashionable” was interesting. It
sounds like Scarlet is just another mouthpiece for the sex industry.
That industry seems to either vilify feminism because they know it
can do damage to their industry, or misappropriate it by making out
the women working in the sex and porn industries are the new modern,
empowered “feminists”. Its just more of the propaganda that passes
for free speech these days.
From Snusket
Re: ‘;Honey! Your vagina needs a mint’: I am always amazed to
hear the argument that supposedly mens “ideal is a hairless,
porn-star pussy that’s barely more than a minuscule orifice. The
last time my vagina looked like this was when I was 10 years old”.
Where does that nonsense come from? OK women do not consume porn, but
if you want to make a statement like that maybe you want to have a
look at some porn in order to figure out that there are all shapes
and sizes represented. The reason for that being that tastes are
different. I am afraid that women often think that certain ideals
come from men while they really are mostly nurtured by the fashion
industry (gay men) and women themselves. I do not believe that people
who would enter this site would start to dislike certain types of
vaginas because they are told they are ugly. If I like blond women I
would not start to dislike them because some webpage tells me they
are ugly- would you? Besides all this- sure this page is nonsense,
but not worth the feminist-anger.
Samara Ginsberg, author of the article, replies
At what point did I state that the Vagina Institute was run by men? There is
absolutely no evidence anywhere on the site that reveals the gender of
anyone involved, apart from the fact that their press officer signs him- or
herself “Jennifer” at the bottom of emails.
The creators of the site focus
on male “preferences” because they feel that this is the most effective way
of persuading readers to part with their money. The quotes on the site are
from men who have filled in the surveys where, as I stated, visitors are
heavily encouraged to make such comments.
It’s merely the odd misogynistic
remark made by the odd Neanderthal visitor to the site – I shouldn’t think
that they air the (hopefully) hundreds of comments they receive from men and
women who see it as the pile of wank that it is. It’s not in any way a
representation of what men want: it’s a representation of what the VI want
readers to think that men want. I apologise if you feel that this is an
unfair comment, but I get the impression that you are seeing “man-bashing”
that just isn’t there. It would be ludicrous to blame this site on men and I
have done nothing of the kind.
I have looked at a lot of porn and have to disagree with your statement that
there are a wide variety of female representations. Sure there are, but they
are sidelined into fetish sites. I have yet to see a woman in 21st century
mainstream porn whose pubic hair is more extensive than a little Hitler
moustache above her clit. If you Google “hairy pussy”, the vast majority of links are to hair fetish sites. “Shaved pussy” produces 5.2 million results, all of which seem to be from
mainstream sites. In the world of pornography, hairlessness is normalised
and a liking for a natural bush is considered a fetish. I’m glad that you
see that tastes are different, but pornographers seem to have a very limited
view of what is “normal”.
I also have to disagree that it is “not worth the feminist anger”. It is,
because it’s a representation of how pathetic and suggestible some people
think that women are, because it touches upon so many wider issues (somebody
already commented last month on the concept of “femininity”), and more
importantly because some women are likely to be negatively affected by it.
I’m glad that I took the time to uncover what a scam it is, because those
click ads really do look as if they are for unrelated organisations. And
anyway, it was just so easy to make fun of, my “feminist anger” didn’t cost
me much effort.
Regarding your comment, “I am afraid that women often think that certain
ideals come from men while they really are mostly nurtured by the fashion
industry (gay men) and women themselves” – this is a really good point, and
if you were talking about the “size zero phenomenon” I would wholeheartedly
agree with you.
Right. I’m off to clear my internet history :)
From Erin
Thank you! What a brilliant article, and a much needed commentary.
As a 16-year-old girl just starting to worry about how I ‘measured
up,’ I had the good fortune to encounter a woman of your caliber
before encountering pornography. I worked for her at a Teen Sexual
Health clinic as a peer counselor, and while there she encouraged us
to read her books. One I found had the most beautiful pictures of
female genitalia; photos next to drawings. All were portrayed
lovingly, regardless of how ‘beautiful’ an organization like the
vagina institute would consider them. It was a moving experience. 8
years down the road and I’m always more grateful how experiences like
that have shaped my self-concept and my choice of partners in life.
I wish more teenagers, both male and female, had like experiences.
Thanks again!
From Sarah
While the writer of
this article has made useful and valid points, I’m afraid she has
spent her time reviewing a porn site, or in of I Blame the
Patriarchy, a
“subscription hetero softcore fetish site”
that was never intended for women in the first place.
From Jamie
Thank you for your comments about the “vagina institute.” That stuff
was absolutely ridiculous and offensive. It’s really just
pornography, but unfortunately unsuspecting women, young and old are
being tricked into thinking that it is fact. It’s sad really.
From Travis Whiteside
Re: The farmer wants a wife, the wife wants a wife: I agree about the article about women don’t want to end up just like
their mothers and raise the kids, clean the house, cook meals ect.
but I disagree about men not able to do these things. I am a
stay-at-home Dad, I raise our 18 month old daughter, cook, clean up
after, wash cloths, and work part time as well. Just because some men
can’t (won’t) do what I do please let women know that all men are not
like the fathers of years past. Thanks for reading.
From Tori
Re: Fairy tales are Grimm: I think you’re article is very relevant to these times and i find it
unbelievable how much sexism is around especially in children’s
advertising (pink for barbie – a girl’s toy, blue for thomas the tank
engie – a boy’s toy). This is not always obvious though and so sexism
seems to be taking over society again although in more of a stealth
form. I am interested in how this stereotyping affects young
children and so am making it the main focus for my personal
investigation in English.
From Irina
Re: August Comments and Abby Lee – girl with (not just) a one-track mind: I would like to dwell a bit on a letter from Laura (Comments, August
2007). What if a woman doesn’t WANT to get active in bed, says Laura
in regard to Abby Lee urging women at least to try it.
It is easy to feel jealous about the amount of pleasure Abby has in
her sex life and to an discard active outlook on your sexuality out of
defence. Also Abby doesn’t represent the majority of women being not
only so free in her attitudes but also multi-orgasmic (and in
penetrative sex!). Besides, there IS a pressure to enjoy sex for a
woman, otherwise you are seen as uncool and frigid. (The quality of
sex women are having is another matter, maybe there is nothing to
enjoy, but a man alone cannot change it.)
When I read her book, i thought: gosh, here goes the mighty libido of
someone who’s not on the pill! (I tend to muck about with the pill and
end up feeling that it suppresses my sex drive in the end.)>/p>
But we shouldn’t throw Abby’s advice out of the window just because
we are not so highly sexed as she is. What we should do is to feel
entitled to pleasure and have sex that is worthwhile. But that means
thinking about it and lookng at your sex life and seeing what needs
to be changed, from little things like a particular type of
contraception to the whole attitude to your body as capable of
experiencing sexual pleasure. (Being a demure lady doesn’t pay off in
terms of great orgasms, so telling a partner to move in a different
way, with a different speed or under different angle, and trying
things is what it means to be “active”. It is simply a skill to learn
for your own benefit.)
Abby O’Reilly, author of the article, replies
I think Abby’s comment
about women needing to get ‘more active in the bedroom’ was not an order,
but rather providing support for those women who would like to and feel that
they cannot owing to social stereotyping and prejudice. Of course, not all
women want to be sexually vociferous, some may be more passive, and others
may not want nor enjoy sex at all. But on the other had some women really
enjoy sex and want to be more adventurous, and more than that they want to
feel that they can talk about this openly without being criticised for doing
so. Abby Lee falls into the latter cateogory, and I believe her comments
reflect this attitude rather than telling woment the way they should behave
– if anything I think she actually resists the tendency to place women in a
box of any sort, offering a new way, not the way.
I would disagree that she advocates ‘compulsory heterosexuality,’ I think if
anything she shows that sexuality can be fluid, that women can be attracted
to men and women. A lot of her experiences have been based on superficial
attractions resulting in one-night stands, and so I think that it’s
difficult to look to her writing to show a balanced representation of a
meaningful lesbian relationship, as Abby is predominantly attracted to men,
and pursues relationships with men. Maybe she does have specific physical
criteria she likes a sexual partner to meet, but so do a lot of women. She
should not have to conform to political correct modes of sexual expression
as people generally don’t think that way when assessing the eligibility of a
sexual partner. As I said in the feature, I think what Abby’s work
demonstrates is that both men and women can be subject to objectification-it
is part of the human condition, meaning that both commit the crime and are
the victims of it. I also think it’s worth remembering that when Abby first
wrote the blog it was an an outlet for her personal thoughts and feelings,
she did not anticipate her identity being made public knowledge, so she was
not attempting to offer a utopian view of female sexualit, which is part of
the effectiveness of it. It is sincere and real, and whatever criticism that
is levied against it, the support she has received from a number of women
indicates that she has written something that represents the thoughts of a
portion of the female population.
I think that the ‘straight woman who isn’t interested in sex’ is something
that has already been done – I think this is the way women were
predominantly seen (think Queen Victoria and the lie back and think of
England line). In the Victorian era there wasn’t even a term to describe
sexual attraction between women as authorities believed that lesbianism
didn’t exist. What we have done over the decades is move away from this
oppression, so women are able to articulate their own sexual desires, and
what Abby Lee’s book has done is shown how we have moved a step forward
again as women can admit to having sex outside of relationships and not feel
ashamed about it. They can enjoy sex and talk about it explicitly. The
reaction to her book and the media surrounding the release show the extent
to which this is still something society finds difficult to swallow.
There is a market for lesbians as part of the male masturbatory fantasy, but
I think this is largely the ‘she’s straight but she’s kissing her friend
because she’s turned bad and she’s so horny’ idea. Abby Lee is genuinely
attracted to women, and indulges in sexual relations with them for her own
gratification. I also think we need to move away from the idea that a
person’s sexuality can be determined by their appearance.
From Lynda Roberts
Re: Loose Women: loose women is a great show full of fun the presenters are garet and
they have some fantastic guests on
From mitchell m. haas
Re: Taboo for who?: my dad thought ‘cunt’ was a severely punishable inquiry, as even when
i asked if the word ‘cunt’ meant he got lividly angry, even while i
had two friends over that deared me to ask him. mom was nearby. i
was pretty upset with him for reacting that way. his answer was that
it was ‘a very bad word!’ having to do with a woman’s genitals, but i
think he also indicated that there was something more disturbing,
maybe something about the slit. but really i think it was because my
mother was in the room. she probably wanted to see some punishment
because she’s very unhealthy, and after he died when i was 10 years
old, she drank incesantly despite the fact that she gave him her word
that she would stop drinking as well as to his best friend who was
attacked for trying to intervene against her drinking, and then she
told me still as a little boy that he tried make to make love to her
so that i would be unsettled by him. so woman have to be nice about
the ‘cunt’ word also, and not get angry and feel inferior, and like
to watch their friends get beat up to help them with their inner
insecurities.
From Bill
Re: 300 Spartans and one strong broad: The 300 is a MOVIE. A MOVIE. This so-called analysis smacks so
obviously of tired 2nd / 3rd wave feminism, that is irrelevant. It’s
just a movie, dear.
From Prefer not to say
Re: Are you married? If not, why not?: Why do you really bother with all this? It really is your inner
imbalances, psychologically speaking, trying to fight \”unjustice\”.
You all must have problems with yourselves which you are trying to
project onto the world. Why not just leave the whole issue of
marriage alone? Do as you please, but let others choose for
themselves. It looks to me, and not just to me, that deep inside you
are feeiling so inferior that you need to find a cause for your
misery in the outside world, or are you perhaps like those Christians
and the Church that you detest so much, that you absolutely need to
proceletyse about something that for most people has no significance.
Please don\’t pollute the Internet with your hatered!
From jethro
Re: Gifts for her: i find it hard to believe that stereotypical feminist views still
exist within a society today, surely to have a choice on how you live
your life is the most important thing and if women in relationships
choose to live a stereotypical female life of provision for the
people they love why should they be critisised for a making a choice
that may seem alien to feminist “thinkers”, I am a man, I cook, i
bath the kids, I wake my girlfriend with tea, I tidy up, we share the
burdens that life throws at us because we love each other, i also
work. My daughter loves pretending to cook and helps with the house
work, she is 2 years old, we have not “socialy conditioned” her, it
is what she likes to do, I shall be making her a kitchen of her own
so that she can play and have fun doing what she likes, my son who is
5years old is also looking forward to playing with the kitchen, My
daughter also likes to play with dolls, we didnt teach her that
either, its just the way we are as a people, children are innocent
minds that display our natrual instincts and they do not deny
themselves what the want or like but will fight what they dont, those
with children may understand this if they dont then they should spend
more time watching their kids
From Snusket
Re: Deconstructing masculinity: on male aggression: wow I do not know where to start. your article is
so full of wrong claims and non-sense, it is simply unbelievable. You
have let your fantasy run wild. Where do you get the idea that 1 in 4
women are victims of domestic violence? What makes you think there is
some kind of “male crisis” at work making males more violent? Where is
the evidence that men become “hype masculine” due to women working
more? Oh, my god…
Jess McCabe, editor of The F-Word, replies
See Amnesty International’s explanation of the statistic of one in four women experiencing domestic violence:
“An analysis of 10 separate domestic violence prevalence studies by the Council of Europe in 2002 showed consistent findings: one in four women experience domestic violence over their lifetimes and between 6-10% of women suffer domestic violence in a given year.”
Pretty conclusive.
From Lucy Reese
Re: Yummy-mummy or pramface?: What a brilliant article. You completely get the way in which
motherhood has become the ultimate stick to beat women with – young
and poor, older, single etc.
In fact all mothers are TERRIBLE PEOPLE unless they are rich and
pretty and ideally don’t go to work (being a glamour model is
probably ok but that’s about it).
I am a 37 year old working mother who is basically made to feel like
a second class citizen/war criminal/child abuser because I’m not a
yummy mummy.
Being a working mother in 2007 is seen as a sign of failure –
basically it means you haven’t scored a rich enough bloke to spend
your days doing yoga/at the plastic surgeons.
If you want a really good vom, then read that “book” by the dreadful
Jools Oliver.
That’s what women are supposed to be like in 2007.
It’s like the 1950s only worse!
From Charlotte
Re: Skirting the issue: “We’ve heard all the arguments before, but it’s worth reiterating
that that “daily natural discharge” they mention is dealt with
fairly effectively by the humble knicker.”
I do agree that sanitary products have been unneccesarily and
opportunistically flogged to women, but I beg to differ on this
particular point. I do need to use pantyliners everyday as I get a
lot of discharge. I actually find them really useful because a normal
sanitary towel is too much padding to wear every day. MY knickers
can’t cope with my slippery vagina! Just a point…
From John Ndege
Hello, I am a fan of the F-word and read it quite regularly. When will
you let your articles open to comments. The site needs a blog and some
interactivity. Solving issues of gender inequality requires a debate.
Its too one way with your site. Let the people reply!
Jess McCabe , editor of The F-Word, replies
Thank you for your kind words about The F-Word. We do have a blog, which is usually updated several times a day. You can find it here. You can comment on posts using our feedback form.
From James Parker
Re: Peaches – Impeach My Bush: I was just reading your review on Peaches and
thought I’d pass on the name of another superb Canadian artist, also
with a consistent feminist slant, just in case you weren’t already a
fan!
Anyway, the artist’s Emily Haines. She’s the lead singer out of
Metric, whose second album “Live it Out” is one of my personal faves.
Gotta love “Poster of a Girl” and “Patriarch on a Vespa”!!! But she
now has a solo project too called “Emily Haines and the Soft
Skeleton” whose only album so far “Knives Don’t Have Your Back”,
although a little less accessible than Metric’s post-punk / new rave
thing, is ultimately a far more rewarding listen. Amazing!