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Today’s Times has an article by Lisa Armstrong inspired by Catherine Deneuve’s famous quote that “A 30-year-old woman must choose between her bottom and her face.”

It’s funny that – all of the 30-year-old women I know have both bottoms AND faces.

One of Armstrong’s friends is firmly on the bottom side:

“I’m 45 and don’t intend to put on a pound to save my face.” In fact she’s just lost two stone and is, after years of vain attempts, as slim as she was in her twenties, thanks in part to sorting out an underactive thyroid. “If – and there’s a way to go – my face does start to look drawn, I’ll fill it until it doesn’t,” she adds defiantly. “If necessary I’ll fill it with fat from my arse.”

So, forgive me for being so crude, but surely that means that she’ll literally be talking out of her arse?

But joking aside, this is a weird and creepy article that seems to suggest that all women over the age of 30 are locked in a permanent battle against wrinkles and middle aged spread and that, far from leading varied and fulfilling lives, they are all nibbling celery whilst pumping themselves full of enough botox to poison the entire populus of a small country. No mention of the vast majority of the population who have neither the time, the money nor the inclination to dedicate their lives to looking a few years younger. I say ignore the craziness and grow old disgracefully – your bank balance and your bone density will thank you for it.