Comments on this month’s features and reviews
‘The useless organ’, by Maggie Lee
From Nora W. Coffey
Your article about the devastating, far reaching impact of the loss of
orgasm after hysterectomy expresses beautifully and precisely reflects what
millions of women report to the HERS Foundation about their experiences.
Women will heed your warning, it’s truthful, it’s irrefutable, and it’s
powerful.
I established the Hysterectomy Educational Resources and Services (HERS
Foundation) in 1982 as a result of my own experience. The loss of uterine
orgasm and the impact it has on every aspect of my personality,
physicality, sensuality is absolute. I am deeply saddened at the loss of
maternal feeling. I love my three children as much as ever, but I too feel
as if an invisible bond has been severed.
I believe we can stop this madness in the U.S.
and England. They will never give it up voluntarily, we will have to take
it away from them by enacting a law that will require every doctor to
provide HERS DVD of Female Anatomy: the Functions of the Female Organs to
every woman before she is told to sign a hysterectomy consent form.
HERS anatomy DVD has been viewed by more than 500,000 women. From their
responses we know that women who are told the consequences of hysterectomy
choose not to allow the surgery to be done to them.
From Ruth
This is definitely an issue that needed addressing and I’m sorry to hear
of your woe. When you get a really female predominant health problem it
becomes patently obvious that “women’s health” issues, as such, are
acomparatively very badly understood. Yes, you hear a lot of noise about
how more money is spent on breast cancer than prostate and this is a sign
that feminism has gone too far etc etc, but I believe this is because
breast cancer kills a much younger demographic than prostate – and, in
fact, there are many “women’s health” problems that are still staggeringly
poorly understood – even in rich Western countries. It is a huge
feminist issue and oddly one about which you seem to hear very very little
in comparison to issues of sexual harrassment etc – so very well done for
addressing it.
For example, contrary to popular belief, constipation predominant
irritable bowel syndrome, while it can be mild, is frequently an extremely
severe disorder. It is also overwhelmingly a female problem. The treatment
of severe IBS patients by doctors is a travesty and I strongly believe that
of the reasons IBS patients as a group are classified as a bit neurotic and
our suffering underestimated is that so many of us are young women. I once
tried to describe to a doctor how I had seen my symptoms worsen over time
and was told – “You probably just think they’re getting worse, but they’re
not really”. I’ve tried to picture it, but I genuinely can’t imagine that
being said to a 45 year old man. I believe studies have definitively
proven that angry and disgruntled women are more likely to be classified as
over-emotional, rather than just be treated as righteously angry. This
results in a general wild underestimation of the suffering that IBS can
cause, and a subsequent reduction in the calls for research funding into
the basis of the condition and of bowel function in general.
I detail this because I believe that it is a perfect example of the
situation with many other women’s health problems – less general weight
given to women’s testimony by the medical profession results in
underestimation of the suffering that condition causes and a consequent
reduction in the calls for research funding into the basis of the
condition. It is a hugely under promoted feminist issue.
From sailor
Thankyou. My mother tells a similar story. No mans sexual pleasure would
be so needlessly discarded. Nor would the organ essential to that pleasure
be viewed as an unnecessary extra.
From Soirore
This makes me so sad, I really feel for you Maggie. That most of these
procedures are likely to be unnecessary as well is shocking. It may be no
surprise that the medical profession doesn’t take women’s sexual and bodily
experiences seriously but it doesn’t lessen the impact it’s having on
thousands of women every year.
This needs to be understood as the cultural treatment of female sexuality
in the UK; our doctors cut out our wombs because they don’t think sex or
other physical experiences we have are valid.
From Debi Crow
I just want to say your post really spoke to me, even though I have not
had a hysterectomy (although I have been “threatened” with one) – and I
really hope you are successful in suing your doctors.
From Rhona
So what do we say?
Is a fully complete reproductive system (overies ubes and womb) inherent
to the ‘female experience’ or is it merely an ‘add-on’?
I don’t mean to sound in any way dismissive of the author’s experience – I
am merely asking questions that have been forming in my mind the more I
learn of feminism and alternative lifestyles.
What *is* being ‘female’? Is it the posession of a (supposedly)
functioning set of organs or is it more than that? If just about biology,
what does that say about trans individuals? Can they *ever* hope to
identify with the female experience or are they just ‘cosmetic’?
On the other hand, what about women who are infertile, have undergone
radical surgery or those who choose not to have children – are they less
‘female’ because of their inability or unwillingness to reproduce?
>p>Fundamentally, this question comes down to – are women, as a biolgoical
sex, willing and/or able to be categorised according to our reproductive
abilities? I’m no doctor, so I would welcome input from somebody who has
more knowledge than I on exactly how the existence or non-existence of the
female reproductive system has an effect on the definition of the self as a
‘gender’.
Responses welcome. :)
From Ruth Moss
How traumatic this entire procedure and the aftermath has been, and how
brave of the author to write about it and use her experiences to enlighten
us about this issue.
I think sometimes misogynistic hatred of women’s bodies is often played
out as misunderstanding of how they work; misunderstanding, because they’re
not important enough to care about getting it right.
A very powerful article.
I wondered also, on a personal note, if the author had thought about
contacting an organisation such as “birth crisis” or the birth trauma
association? I know that this issue isn’t surrounding birth itself, but
these organisations often help women who have undergone unneccessary
sterilisation or hysterectomy as an aftermath of a difficult birth. They
themselves may or may not be able to help, but might be able to offer
pointers to someone who can? I just read the article really concerned in
case the author wasn’t getting some help from somewhere, as this sounds
like such an awful situation.
For what it’s worth, and probably not very much as I’ve not been there,
you have my sympathy – and my anger.
From Denise
Maggie Lee’s experience was (is) awful, and I can perfectly understand her
wanting to warn other women in the hope that they avoid the kind of
suffering she went through and still has to endure. But I would like to say
that hysterectomy doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
I had a hysterectomy eleven years ago because of a fibroid which was
causing horrifically heavy, prolonged periods that made my life a total
misery. Tampons, even super size, would leak after about ten minutes, so I
always had to wear night-time pads – I had cupboards full of them and
didn’t dare leave the house without a few stuffed in my bag. I also ended
up so anaemic that I was one step away from needing a transfusion. Iron
tablets and injections couldn’t keep up with the blood loss. In the end
(after having tried other methods which failed and having informed myself
fully about my condition) I decided I wanted a sub-total hysterectomy,
keeping ovaries and cervix. A sub-total hystie is a simpler procedure and
used to be the norm until some doctors decided to start whipping out the
other parts as well! A lot of doctors now are realising that wasn’t the
wisest thing to do. Having said that, you do have to be informed and
forthright about what you want. I was lucky to find a gynaecologist who
respected this. They also know that it’s best to respect the patient’s
wishes as far as possible.
I had the op and recovered much quicker than I expected; I think that was
because, apart from the fact that I’d had a less invasive procedure, I was
so happy and relieved to be done with all that horrendous bleeding. It
wasn’t until it was sorted that I realised just how depressed it had been
making me. It really was a new lease of life. And although the op was done
eleven years ago, I still haven’t noticed any menopausal symptoms. I also
have great orgasms!
I felt that in my case a hystie was absolutely necessary, and I’ve never
regretted having it done – on the contrary. I wouldn’t like other women to
be scared off unnecessarily. I read quite a lot of scare stories in
magazines, etc, which did put me off for a while. The best thing is to
fully inform yourself about your condition, then try and find a sympathetic
doctor (there are some!).
P.S. I’d just like to add that I also read a lot
of articles/books which told me I’d feel bereft, ‘castrated’ and ‘not a
real woman’ any more if I had a hysterectomy, and that my sex life would be
ruined. This turned out to be absolute bullshit.
Beyond boob jobs – how might the credit crunch affect women?, by Carolyn Roberts
From Ruth Moss
Really interesting article – and as you point out, pretty much the only
one of its kind (amongst boom and bust puns).
On a personal level, actually for quite a few female friends of mine it’s
been the other way around; I know quite a few full-time Mums who have had
to go back to paid work before they had planned to. And for me personally,
my plan to eventually go part time to spend more time with my child has had
to be shelved – we just can’t afford it now.
Probably just a very small part of a very big picture.
Again, it’s good to see someone actually writing about this subject and
taking it seriously.
From debbie holmes
recession is nasty,
but, if you look at history,
it serves a second purpose.
rebirth.
in the last 10 odd years, things in the uk have got out of hand, simple
values have been replaced with one-upmanorwomanship, and commercial trash.
good hard working talented people have been sidelined, why?? because the
money was rolling, and who needs talent when everything is going swell.
times are changing,
but for some, nothing changes, there are millions of people who have been
struggling even through the good times, and they were overlooked.
for any person, who is talented, fair, and works hard, this is your time.
all the pressure to have champers every day, and get a boob job, or the
latest fashion will fade away.
roll on the bad times!
From Shea
I loved Carolyn Robert’s article on “Beyond Boob jobs” but I hoped for a
bit more in depth analysis, which as she points out is lacking from
mainstream media. There are multiple factors being missed here. Women are
more likely to be employed by small businesses, and these will feel the
impact of the coming recession hard, as will other service industries,
retail, hopsitality etc also heavily dominated by women. My worry is also
about whether a new Tory government would seek to abolish working tax
credits which many families rely on, but which would relieve some public
spending burden. To do so would leave these families in dire straits. I
also think in some ways the social situation which excerbate the crisis, it
is said the death and divorce keep the housing market going, but obviously
that is problematic in the current circumstances. I do agree with the
conclusion that poorer women who lack secure employment and who have poor
credit scores and therefore likely to have to put up with exorbitant
interest rates will suffer enormously. But I think the recession also bring
into sharp relief the fact that many female graduates will struggle to find
work with huge student loans to service and/ or a mortgage and to do so on
less money than a man doing the same job. I think it is hard to imagine
that women will leave the jobs market wholesale, this in itself would have
a huge worsening effect on the recession . Great article though, I really
enjoyed it.
Carolyn Roberts, author of the article, replies
I agree with you, there are so many other aspects to this issue that should be discussed. I particularly agree with your comments about the possible impact of a future Tory government – in fact, there’s probably a whole separate article looking at the potential impacts on women of different electoral outcomes.
I also agree that it’s very unlikely that women will leave the workforce entirely, but I do think there’s a risk that in a time of fewer jobs and tightening belts, women may be under even more pressure to adopt traditional parenting roles to allow men to continue to be the “breadwinner”. Undoubtedly these are interesting times and I do hope the mainstream media will start to do some proper analysis, beyond the “how can women still buy foxy clothes” approach they’ve taken so far.
Women in physics, by Frances Downey
From Carol Morris
A clear, concise and interesting report by Frances of her visit to Seoul.
It re-energises me to increase my efforts in relation to female education
of which girls and women in science is a crucial part. Thank you Frances.
From Mark Headey
Many years ago I was chatting to a woman who had been a fellow engineering
undergrad and was, at that time, doing post-doc research. She had been
asked to go along to a 6th form college to inspire the girls. She refused.
“Ask me to go and speak to 13 year olds,” she explained, “before they make
their GCSE choices and I might be able to do some good. Otherwise, I’ll be
wasting my time and theirs.”
Frances Downey, author of the article, replies
I think it is worth going to talk to any age group about science. I go back to my old college once a year to speak to the A level science students, both male and female, about doing a science degree. But equally I talk to my step-dad, a London black cab driver, about science books and news articles he has read. I take your point that once students have got to a certain point in their education going to talk to them about doing a science degree isn’t particularly useful. However I believe strongly that you can inspire an interest in science at any stage in someone’s life, and that is just as important as inspiring a 16-year-old to take A level sciences. So I disagree with your friend, you should take every opportunity to spark people’s interest in science, maybe they won’t all go off to do a science degree, but they might take a bit of understanding which will help inform their opinions on scientific issues in future.
The Virgin Daughters, a review by Dawn Kofie
From Ligeia
When my daughter turned 14 or so she came to me and said ‘I think I’m
ready’…being as this came out of the blue I had to ask, as to what she
thought she was ready.
Sex.
Being a single mother of two, a girl and a boy, trying to juggle the world
with just two hands and one job, I was understandably taken aback.
Having been through the proverbial ringer sexually from a vindictive ex
green beret stepfather with a pedolphilic tendency, and a cruel streak, and
then having been raped by a friend of my ex husbands…I knew I had a
complete arsenal at my disposal to put an end to any hopes or dreams of
Cinderella sexualities.
But I have tried to raise my kids as normal as possible, which is quite a
feat coming from my world. That said, I asked questions and listen to the
answers. I shared some things, only the complications of engaging too
early, before you know how you feel. I told her that rushes are
fabulous…but there is often fall out from them. So take your time, date,
get to know each other, discuss what you both want out of the encounter
with one another.
She pondered this for quite some time. And decided two things…one, that
she was glad I was upfront with her and that I took her seriously, and two,
that would decide for herself.
That said, she will be 21 in February, and still has not engaged in sexual
encounters…but that is not for a lack of trying. She feels empowered by
her own sexuality, and wants the first time to be with someone she cares
about.
Naturally she complains…and she is hilarious about it because she very
simply states, she couldn’t get laid in a room full of hormones because
they guys she has dated all wanted to wait till marriage.
This causes quite a conflict for her…since she also believes that there
is no reason to be married to bad sex.
She is after all just under 21…she’ll figure it out. But as it all
relates to this article….? The simple matter is this, I informed my
child of the realities of sexual relationships, now armed with that
information she knows that quality is far better than quantity and a true
feminist does what SHE wants, not what society or her parents dictate is
appropriate for the label.
What ever my daughter does, so long as she does it and feels empowered by
it, is fine with me…but then, it doesn’t really matter how I feel about
it.
This was a good article. I will send it on to others.
Comments on older features and reviews
Whose feminism is it?, by Annika Spalding
From Ruth Moss
Absolutely agree – and actually on occasion I have found myself wondering
if I even call myself a “feminist” any more (I always decide that yes, I
do, fwiw).
I’ve found some of my deepest held feminist beliefs challenged to their
very core over the last eighteen months or so, especially those concerning
motherhood.
But at the same time it is feminism that has given me all the rights and
advantages that I probably take for granted (e.g. the vote, for starters!)
I think there are a lot of women out there, who feminism helps on a daily
basis, who would never identify as “feminist” because of the way its
perceived. And I think sometimes that although a lot of that is perception
and “straw man” arguments, I do genuinely think we need to think if
sometimes, just sometimes, we are adding to those perceptions.
From not an object
I think Annika raises a very important issue but one that can’t easily
be resolved. One situation in particular came up in my mind whilst reading
her useful article. It is that of the French ‘feminists’ advocating for
the ban of the headscarf versus the French feminists who want to wear it
and see it as a feminist symbol. Unfortunately the two sides don’t seem to
accommodate each other in their own definitions of feminism (I object
particularly strongly to the position of the ‘pro-ban’ feminists who do not
seem for one second to have engaged with the ‘anti-ban’ folks). In the end,
however, I am sure this situation leaves many women feeling like they want
absolutely nothing at all to do with feminism in France since the seemingly
state-sponsored feminism has no space for women who fall outside those
feminist’s very strict boundaries of what constitutes acceptable female
clothing, behaviour and so on. This is a very sad situation indeed.
Fortunately it doesn’t seem to have a mirror situation in the UK.
Confidential?, by Karen James
From Sam
It might have annoyed you that those 40 people knew what you had done, but
i dont understand why you have put it on this site that you needed a
‘morning after pill’ after all those forty people probably didnt know you
and wouldnt have gone and told their friends that you had gone in to the
clinic for contraception.
now it is on here almost the whole world have access to the information
that you ‘dared to have sex’.
From J. C.
Okay, so I think Karen James is being a tiny bit paranoid……and
only in puritan Britain would ppl do the adding up like that.
But this happend to me in Germany, once while pregnant, I had to fill in
my form and then wiat in a mini-room. Another owman came into the
mini-room and they pulled a curtain round her, then the hurse turns to me
and goes: “So you’ve been pregnant twice before, and did both pregnancies
end in a termination or did you have a miscarriage?” In a real breezy
voice.
Also, once my mate got the Morning-After-pill at Tesco’s, abd the chemist
assistant called through to the chemist: “Another one for emergency
contraception for you!” REALLY LOUD.
It’s okay, though, we don’t need to be ashamed
From not an object
i’m glad rachel brought this issue up. i’ve had the same experience
although for me the worst part has been trying to say in a stage whisper
that i want an appointment for the morning after pill or to get free
condoms. however quietly you try and tell the receptionist however people
will doubtless hear what you’re asking for. i do think there should be a
more subtle way of doing this, perhaps even indicating on a form out of
sight what you’re there for if its a sensitive issue. i find it so
embarassing that other people over-hear these rather personal issues,
particularly if the receptionist then decides to converse in a loud voice
about the issue!
From Glory
Responding to Rachael’s article ‘Confidential’ it’s not great practice to
ask a person to use the water cooler publically, but the morning after pill
is not the only orally prescribed medication that a practice nurse or nurse
at a walk in centre would adminster under supervision. It could also be
some other procedure such as giving a nasal spray which most people would
want to drink water after to clear the taste.
It’s likely to be against health and safety to have a drinks dispenser in
a clinical room due to risks of contamination. In the clinical room the
nurse may be treating infected wounds etc.
But that guy in the waiting room sounds like an idiot.
Karen James, author of the article, replies
I realise that there would be other medical reasons that someone would need to use a water dispenser.
However, during my meeting with the head nurse, she did say that there is already a water tap in the clinical room – and that the water tap dispenses drinking water. she has promised me that she will now always give patients the option to use this tap instead of the water dispenser outside.
I do not know if a water dispenser in the clinical room would be against health and safety – but you seem to know what you are talking about so I am happy to concede this point. However, the nurse did not indicate to me that a water dispenser would contravene these regulations and she did say she would consider it. Again, if I am wrong about that, I am happy to concede the point. Just thought I should explain. And yes, that guy was a prat!
From RayBM
I just wanted to say that I fully sympathise with your anger on this
subject – it seems that “patient confidentiality” does not extend to the
waiting room and this issue is not confined to your clinic/surgery or just
to Women.
Karen James, author of the article, replies
Thank you for the comments and support on the article! I fully agree that condfidentiality does seem to be quite a misnomer as far as I and many other NHS patients are concerned. And I am sure there people of both sexes who go through such experiences. But I do think (and judging from the responses I have been getting) that there is still a special kind of bias reserved purely for women who are sexual and need access to either the contraceptive pill (in my case) and also the STI clinics.
For example: a few years ago, a female friend of mine relayed a story of when she had to go to the local clinic to have tests to see if she had any STI’s. She said that the male doctor first asked her whether the sex had been forced (ie: rape). When she said “no” he replied that she should have been married then and proceeded to grunt with disgust after every question he asked her. This was not isolated either. Many other women had said he was exactly this way with them. I do hope they took action against him.
It is significant because her then boyfriend then told me that he had had to get the same tests a year before (prior to meeting my friend) and he had seen the very same doctor. He reported no such questions or dissaproving attitudes. In fact, the doctor was very jovial with him. I have heard about (and been through) many such cases recently.
This is certauinly not to disagree with you that men’s privacy can also be flouted in an appalling manner (and please – if you have any stories about this, feel free to share them with me). I just think that the ridiculous stereotypes of “sexual women=slut” and “sexual man=stud” are still, very much alive and well today in society and in the NHS. thanks again, for the support. I appreciate it.
From Viola
In response to the article on the morning after pill, a few years ago me
and my partner of five years had an accident with a condom, and I had to go
get the morning after pill. The pharmacist, a man in his forties, withheld
the medication from me to ask ‘Now, missy, I want to ask you – was a one
night stand worth all this bother?’
I couldn’t quite believe it.
So, you really think we’re stupid, do you?, by Ananya
From Inaske
In Germany there’s a weekly mag for girls AND boys (something this country
has yet to invent), called Bravo. Because it targets all teenagers, the
topics are more diverse. Of course, they include celebrity news, music,
film and such but also sports, politics (racisms, cruelty to animals,
bullying, technology etc) and others. Most importantly, the mag provides
ample and competent sex and relationship education (including pictures of
naked bodies, how very shocking!). Sex education in German schools is
roughly as bad as in English ones, so Bravo really does a service to
society. There’s little they don’t cover. I felt a very informed and
sexually confident teenager thanks to Bravo.
Check out www.bravo.de if you speak a little German. A lot of the
navigating is in English anyway.
And if you don’t like what you can buy, make your own teen mag. You
obvisouly like writing, so why don’t you get some of your friends together
and make a mag for your classmates. It doesn’t need to be glossy, it’s the
content that counts, as you so rightly pointed out.
Don’t cha wish pop was more empowering?, by Kerry-Lynne Doyle
From colette mcculloch
A very thorough, well thought through and enlightening essay, i really
enjoyed reading this. Good to see such a young femal talent on the
journalistic sphere! An inspiration for myself.
Female commentator kicks off barrage of sexism, by Katherine
From Jamie Alexander
While I am opposed to this change I do feel sorry for her with all the
abuse she has recieved, but she has just started her commentating career so
maybe she just needs some experience and time. I didn’t like Alan Smith
when I first heard him, but like him she has some league football
knowledge, although obviously not at the level of most of the commentators
we know and love today. I do hope that she reaches that stage, but she
will need to ride the storm for a long while now.
Deconstructing masculinity, by Sheryl Plant
From Jago Pearce
Masculist and Feminist have much in common. Gender is the original false
double bind.
I really think there’s a great opportunity for feminists and Masculists to
work together in synergy.
What isn’t argued over, has to be gold.
What discussion do we know of between these movements?
‘Feminists are sexist’, by Catherine Redfern
From Anonymos
Feminists are mostly sexist because they want over-equal rights on issues
that only affect themselves positively. If it wasn’t, they would have
called it equalism rather than feminism.
Jess McCabe, editor of The F-Word, replies
Feminism is, yes, about advocating for women; that’s because our culture and society is male-dominated. Men lose out from living under patriarchy in numerous ways – you’ll find plenty of feminist writing about how men and boys are expected to conform to a particular idea of ‘masculinity’, and the consequences if they don’t, for example.
However, men in general also benefit from living in a patriarchial society – you might want to check out Barry Deutch’s male privilege checklist, before really arguing that feminism should be called ‘equalism’.
The Perfect Vagina, a review by Amy Clare
From BrevisMus
I agree with the September review about C4’s programme My Perfect Vagina –
this was an excellent programme going some way to uncover the problems with
the notion of a ‘perfect’ (read: childlike) vagina and society’s attitude
to women’s bodies, and to reassure women that they are *normal*. However,
shame on channel 4 for subsequently showing two episodes of its
Embarrassing Bodies programme featuring labiaplasty done on normal women
who were worried they were ‘ugly’ without even offering them counselling or
suggesting that they were normal (which they were).
One step forward, two steps back.
X-Men: The Last Stand, a review by Shelley Rees
From Ryan Roberts
This is in response to your article on X-MEN 3. I thought your argument
concerning Mystique was very strong, and I would have to agree that this
script destroyed her character. I, however, do not agree as much with your
argument against Jean. You ignore the fact that she is the ONLY level 5
mutant known. SHE, a mutant woman, is the most power mutant known. you
also ignore that Cyclops is an emotional, vulnerable character. And worst
of all, you ignore Storms as a strong female character. She takes over
leadership of the school and the XMEN and is constantly underlying
Wolverines vulnerability to Jean, not the other way around.
The problem with pink, by Michelle Wright
From rachel
feminism gone mad! If pink is what reaches out to the public; young, old
and inbetween who is anyone to criticise? If buying a pink ribbon when
your shopping makes your 6 year old daughter ask “that’s pretty mummy why
are you wearing that?” surely only good can come from that! I have, as
have a number of people I know, suffered a loss from this evil epidemic
that seems to be sweeping the female, and as rightly pointed out, male
population. Without question it is not pretty in treatment or always
‘rosy’ in future but in my mind if Pink is what draws attention in our
commercialised, appearance driven world then who are we to judge; but
instead join everyone in putting our pink t-shirts, ribbons or bras on in
helping a very worthwhile and much needed charity! One that you might just
need one day …….let’s hope not!
The Pursuit of Happyness, a review by Dwysan Edwards
From patricia
i dont think that your critique of the pursuit of happyness was fair.
sure they made a big deal about a dad trying to do right by his son. yes
there are alot of single mothers, i am one myself. but there are things
that are for us in that situation. for example WIC, it stands for women,
infants and children…women, not parents. or welfare or in the many cases
child support. all of which a man has little or no chance of receiving.
to be fair many women dont take advantage of those things but also for
every one that doesnt, there is one that abuses it because they know they
can. now i know i am speaking of america and it may be different in the uk
but i feel that you were a little hard on this movie for unfair reasons
Bad mothers, by Claire Riley
From Kristen Pfeiffer
Clair Riley. I thought your article was amazing!!! I am working on a
paper how women who do not desire children become sort of social outcasts.
Thank you so much for making it ok for a woman to be a woman without a
husband or children. More power to you. Peace and Love
Why It’s time for the ‘battle of the sexes’ to end, by Laura Baldwin
From Braystud
I believe you lasses should get this
through your heads:We lads will
ALWAYS judge you by your bodies,
especially your boobs!
Get used to it,girls!!!!!
‘Honey! Your vagina needs a mint’, by Samara Ginsberg
From Tom
The Vagina Institute is a joke and Samara’s article is right in many ways.
I do, however, wonder about any guy who would truly have their ideas
influenced by this rubbish. My feelings about what I like and or don’t
like about a vagina (I really think I like them all!) are my own and not
going to change because some bullshit website with an alterior sales motive
tells or implies that I should.
I would suggest that what this does is gathers a group of “believers” in
their ideal vulva model and reinforces and affirms what their genetic
disposition already has them desiring. The people who subscribe to this
belief are necessarily shallow, insecure and petty. Any woman who has
either a “pretty” or an “ugly” vagina would be wise to stay far away from
them lest they end up in a relationship who’s foundation is the size,
shape, tightness of their vagina… What a basis for a life long
commitment! ” I hereby take your pussy, to have and to lick, to fuck and
admire as long as it stays tight and small. Should it stretch or deform
(nevermind what happens when you give birth) I have the absolut right to
leave you and find a better pussy and you and yous should at that point go
away and fade into the distance”
Large inner lips and an “available” clitoris (one that is readily exposed
from its cozy hooded home) all have neve endings that when licked, sucked,
caressed and rubbed by various methods bring waves of pleasure to thier
owner and when the giver of this pleasure has the well being and best
interest of his/her partner in mind the both of you will have fun, intimacy
and pleasures that will enhance your lives.
See the Vagina Institute for what it is.. a somewhat creative albeit
transparent to all but the terminally naive, attempt to, by misdirection
and untruths, to get people to buy a product or service that they have to
sell… not unlike a lot of advertising in this country!
Be happy with the vagina that you have… it is as unique as your
fingerprints and your DNA. Find someone who loves you for YOU and you will
have someone who loves your vagina… not because it conforms to some
bullshit standard, but because itis yours and it is a part of the most
wonderful and intimate pleasure centers that humans are able to enjoy!
Just a stripper, by Natasha Forrest
From Fawn
WOW! You’ve touched on a subject that has been hard for me to talk about
for years. The love/hate relationship ALL women have with being an
“object” is rarely discussed. I, myself, used to be a stripper, and always
felt like I had to hide it from new friends, as if they wouldn’t want to
hang around some “ex-whore”. Honestly, I think we women are harder on each
other in comparison to men. If we, women, could come together, despite the
in-bred philosophy of what a “good girl” is , and realize that we’re all on
the same team…we’d accomplish so much more. How are men to repsect us if
we don’t even like or respect each other. I blame some of this on men, but
it’s 2008! It’s a new day and WE really need to get it together! PS I’m
considering going back into the field again, this regular day job stuff is
for the birds! You said it perfectly, it’s a balancing act, BUT! With it,
stripping gives a woman freedom, flexibility, capital, and don’t forget
POWER.
The signs of ageing, by Catherine Redfern
From Jan
I spend so much time with women friends who want to only talk about
cosmetic surgery, their flaws and how they feel so bad about them, ageing,
etc. How I wish I could have friends who liked to talk about ideas and
books and language and tell jokes and laugh and stop all this nonsense that
looking young and beautiful is all a woman is about….depressing…..I am
55 and I want to forget about the wrinkles on my face and enjoy the company
of my women friends if they would just talk about another subject
General Comments
From Garry
How I got here is beyond me, my mind has a tendency to wonder. But I need
you to clear something up for me. You said “All have validity, and none of
them should have to apologise for their focus.” You were talking about
different approaches to feminism. To me, equality for everybody is the
only way to go. But feminist that believe and focus on the unfounded notion
of women being the superior sex is a bit outrageous. Any equality seeking
individual would have to agree with me that notion walks on line with Nazi
Germany’s antisemitism. Its like me saying “I fight for equality of human
kind…well except the equality of Eastern European people”. All I’m
saying is that everybody needs to understand that both sexes are equal in
their own very unique ways. The human species would not have survived
without the presence of both sexes; or any other mammal for that matter.
We work perfectly together in a very quirky way; but nature is weird like
that. Men and women are physiologically different. We have different
strengths and different weaknesses. Our brains even work differently…yet
are both so well equipped for life and adaptation. I think we need to stop
putting people in corners. It gives everybody a sense of entitlement and
inflates their ego so much. We shouldn’t let our egos get the best of us.
If we are constantly looking out for ourselves, what happens to the larger
picture? The world as a whole. Look at the world today. All caused by
everybody looking out for what’s in THEIR perceived best interest. It
can’t be blamed on men. It has to be blamed on humanity; leaving only
humanity to change.”
Jess McCabe, editor of The F-Word, replies
So, Garry believes in equality for everyone, but movements to achieve the liberation and equality of women are comparable to the Holocaust? Right.
From Claire
I felt very lucky reading Maggie Lee’s article about hysterectomy. I was
diagnosed with a large but early-stage ovarian tumour at 24 and feel so
fortunate to only have lost one ovary. I still felt even that as a huge
loss though. Something I couldn’t feel had gone, but I could definitely
feel the absence and I still can.