[…]

Gladiators is coming back to Sky One. You see images of the gladiators here.

“Compare the descriptions of the women, with those of the men!” said Andrew, who emailed this to me. Yes, let’s!

Men

SPARTAN – Roderick Bradley, 24, Grantham- “Handsome, disciplined and brave. Will take on any army – the perfect warrior”

DESTROYER – Damar Martin, 38, Croydon – “Determined and strong, angry and unstoppable – nothing gets in his way”

PREDATOR – Du’aine Ledejo, 36, Newark – “Volatile, quick and poisonous, hunts down prey and takes no prisoners”

ATLAS – Sam Bond, 24, Bournemouth – “As strong as He-Man, fights hard and with dignity”

TORNADO – David McIntosh, 22, Altrincham – “Violently destructive windstorm full of unstoppable energy – leaves you in a spin”

Women:

ICE – Caroline Pearce, 27, Cambridge – “Cold, steely, frosty and beautiful”

INFERNO – Jemma Palmer, 24, Tamworth – “Hot, fiery, dangerous and destructive”

PANTHER – Kara Nwidobie, 26, Morecambe – “Beautiful, sleek, aggressive and powerful. Panther is the strongest and fiercest of the wild cats”

ENIGMA – Jenny Pacey, 25, Borehamwood – “Mysterious and beautiful, contradictory and unpredictable, impossible to capture”

TEMPEST – Lucy Boggis, 19, Quintin, Wiltshire – “Naturally beautiful, a force of nature bringing furious agitation and commotion”

BATTLEAXE – Shirley Webb, 26, Edinburgh – “A weapon of war, domineering, aggressive and indomitable. Battleaxe is a warrior queen”

Notice anything? Methinks Battleaxe (presumably not “beautiful” enough?) is the exception that proves the rule. Oh and p.s., the black woman is the only one shown crawling on the floor. And her name is Panther.

Now, if only they’d bring back Crystal Maze…