Dude, you know what would be, like, awesome? If there was a Guitar Hero for girls! No, not a more girl-friendly game featuring Sleater-Kinney, Bikini Kill or Hole, I’m talking about a game where instead of controlling a guitar, you’re controlling a woman’s vagina! Awesome huh?
The dweebs at Ripten.com have created a hil-a-rious parody of Guitar Hero, called Vagina Hero. The purpose of the game is to fill the ‘climax meter’ by pushing the right buttons on the vulva-shaped controller, although you can also speed things up with ‘the shocker’ by repeatedly jamming the buttons which on the controller represent the vagina and anus. Once you’ve finished one girl, you move onto the next level girl.
Advice on using the controller includes “You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky.”
There are also plans for a Pro Bundle costs about $600 extra. Because as creator Dan Landis explains, “We wanted to prepare our players for the inevitable truth that dudes with money are more successful with women, even if they aren’t any more skilled.”
Why create this stupid fake game? Because acording to Landis, “We all know what the girls are thinking anyways when they get all googily-faced over guitarists, even fake guitarists. Might as well stop faking the funk and try to teach them boys something useful.”
But relaaax! It’s not offensive to women: “If anything, we are doing women a great service. We are making foreplay interesting and exciting for guys while simultaneously giving them the practice they need so they know what they’re doing when they get there. I think women should be excited by the idea of no longer walking away from a sexual encounter with blue balls, or whatever the equivalent of that would be for women.”
So how does Vagina Hero score on the sexist hate-scale?
Objectifies women: 10/10
Reduces women to a body part: 10/10
Women as goldiggers stereotype: 10/10
Women as groupies stereotype: 10/10
No female musicians stereptype: 10/10
No female gamers stereotype: 10/10
Men hate foreplay stereotype: 10/10
Men are crap at sex stereotype: 10/10
SCORE: 100% sterotyping sexist bullshit! Suprise!
[Found via Lesbian Gamers]