Ah, good old Dr Pam Spurr. She’s only gone and done it again, hasn’t she! Espoused a fresh pile of garbage masquerading as “relationship advice,” presumably designed to help us forlorn and frankly misguided women treat our men textbook right. Lucky us. This week she ponders the female capacity to ruin a new romance, asking “what is it with women who seem to have a self-destruct button fitted from the moment they start having relationships?” So, what is it exactly? Because I’m lost.
Spurr’s supposed friend Kate seems to be a bit of an erratic one, putting her “nice, mild-mannered man whom she supposedly loves” through an emotional mill just to “keep him on his toes.” Kate’s not chilled. Oh no. Instead she has an “overwhelming urge to get stroppy on occasion,” in order to “test his commitment” and “make sure he really cares.” Spurr explains that:
In reality it’s a perverse way to prove that you’re wanted but I find that lots of women press the self-destruct button to get this confirmation at some level – his anger, his pleading, his hurt – from their partner…Of course it’s liable to backfire, and the person she hopes will ride with her behaviour decides that it’s not worth all the hassle after all. Where does it come from? Usually from complicated feelings of wanting desperately to be loved but feeling unworthy of it. The person gets almost angry that her partner seems to love her. “Love me? Well, let’s just test that,” the thinking goes. Meanwhile, the partner is thinking that he’d do anything for a simple life, with a loving relationship in which no one reaches for that dreaded button.
Presumably Kate’s a fictional character, because if not Spurr’s a disloyal friend as well as a sweeping generalist always eager to villify women and present us as emotionally impaired. However, working on the premise that Kate is almost certainly Spurr’s imaginary creation makes her suppositions worse, since she has quite clearly presented men in the form of Kate’s hen-pecked partner as victims of woman’s inherent “desperate” longing to be loved.
Oh, Dr Spurr, forgive us, for we know not what we do…either that or consider giving up the day job. This behaviour is neither exclusive to, nor representative of all, women. To suggest otherwise bolsters stereotypes of the “needy” puppy-bitch-like little lady, wagging her tail while chewing her masters slippers and pissing on the rug until she gets the attention she deserves. Not on.