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I think we all know that Daily Failers live on another planet, but this article by Quentin Letts – taken from his fourthcoming book ‘Bog-Standard Britain’ – is so out of touch I was almost sick with laughter. In a gutter. While having an abortion. With my belly hanging rather unbecomingly over my appallingly low waistband. And it’s all Germaine Greer’s fault.

Yes, ladies, it’s ‘first ladette’ Greer we have to thank for binge drinking, casual sex, high heels, violence against women, teenage pregnancies, the breakdown of holy matrimony, the loss of good ol’ fashioned feminine demureness and the prospect of more women dying at sea should a large cruise liner hit an iceberg any time soon:

When the RMS Titanic sank in 1912, a large proportion of the female passengers survived, but 80 per cent of the men on board went down with the ship, doomed by chivalry. They had observed the code of ‘women and children first’ to the lifeboats.

Would that happen today? After the onslaughts of sexual equality, it seems unlikely. Anyone using such a term on a modern-day Titanic would probably find himself rapped on the shoulder by the ship’s diversity champion and told he had uttered a sexist comment which would be investigated by the relevant authorities, just as soon as the lifeboats reached land.

In a nutshell, Letts’ article is the classic ‘feminists made women shag around so men don’t need to bother trying to be nice to them any more and everything’s gone down the shitter’ argument. There’s a whole raft of quotable bollocks to choose from (women drink to try and ‘show how free they are’, anyone?) but my absolute favourite is his take on marriage:

In Shakespeare’s day the gap-toothed country girl offering easy pleasure would later exact her price – the ball and chain of marriage.

Yet thanks to the messianic toil of the equality crowd, marriage has gone down the khazi, discarded by scowling intellectuals as a form of religio-sexual bondage, institutional sexism minted at the altar of a male-run religion.

And so women have been denied the financial and romantic security which came with marital vows. Women’s lib gave men an excuse not to make a commitment and many of them promptly took it.

Because becoming a lifelong domestic and sexual servant really worked to the woman’s advantage, eh? I for one am downright disappointed that I no longer have to pledge my life and my vagina away just to get a bit of late night hanky panky. Damn you Greer! And damn you again for destroying chivalry, the only thing preventing those wild, brutish men from punching me in my alcohol-ravaged face:

Hedonistic? Exciting? Novel? Daring? Germaine Greer’s glory days were all of those. But the loss of dignity they entailed meant that the standing of women deteriorated.

With that, the conduct of men worsened. They no longer felt they owed their female acquaintances any sort of behavioural discount.

Statistics suggest that violent behaviour against women – and even by women against men – has risen. If women were to be treated equally, as Miss Greer demanded, surely it became no worse to hit a woman than a geezer. So certain cavemen seemed to think.

The very notion of being a gent became redundant if men and women were the same.

Like many misogynists, Letts seems to have almost as little faith in men as he does in women. (And like many Daily Fail writers, he has no concept of the difference between a rise in the reporting of crime and an actual rise in criminal activity.)

I almost feel sorry for the man.