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This year is the first time I’ve been sucked into The X Factor, and I’m going to come right out and admit it’s because I think Tulisa is, in the language of yoof, well fit. Now I can’t stop watching it (although by “watching” I obviously mean shouting opinions at the TV until I’m blue in the face). So to assuage the guilt factor (lolz), I thought I’d better do a wee hungover blog about last night’s show. Let’s start with the wins:

1) Misha B. This woman is absolutely awesome and I would pay money to see her perform tomorrow.

2) Half naked male dancers performing with 2 Shoes. Adding a teeny bit of balance to all the sexualised female backing dancers.

3) Did I mention Tulisa is well fit?

Moving swiftly on to the fails:

1) Louis telling a contestant that his recent weight loss demonstrated that he was taking the show seriously. Because nothing says “taking the piss” like the audacity of a non-thin person to get up on a stage and sing.

2) A gay contestant being heterosexualised by performing a sexy dance routine with a bunch of half naked women. This is 2011, and there were plenty of male dancers he could have swaggered at, but I guess that wouldn’t be thinking of the children…

3) Sophie Habibis’ make-over. I loved that Sophie auditioned in a jumper and looked totally confident and at ease with herself, but apparently this just isn’t acceptable for a potential pop star and last night she was absolutely plastered in make-up and wearing a pair of ridiculously incapacitating shoes. Perhaps she loves it and wanted to look like this, in which case fine, but I thought it was a shame she had to be altered and glammed up in such a generic way to appear like a star.

4) The godawful Always ad in the break encouraging women everywhere to rejoice because now our blood-soaked sani pads can be beautiful too! I’m just so incredibly relieved to find out that I no longer have to let my standards slip during those precious few days.

And I think that’s probably enough blog inches devoted to a show I vowed I would never watch. *signs off*